Alex on Red bull
by awesomehatyougotthere
Summary: Who the hell gave Alex Red bull? Whoever did, I swear to God you will not wake up tomorrow!"  Alex, is hyper, And the mysterious catfish potato banana ninja is at large! Will chinchillas take over the world at last? CHAPTER 4 NOW UP!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hey guys! I'm sorry if this fic makes no sense. It will once as it progresses, I assure you. Basically, I want this to be a light-hearted fic. A bit of fun. I don't mind constructive criticism, but out-right flaming… don't even go there. I'd love a review (as always, who wouldn't) And I'd like you to enjoy this fic. **

**Bon appetite. **

Disclaimer: If I owned Alex Rider, Yassen would still be alive. If I owned Alex Rider, I would be a 52 year-old called Anthony Horrowitz. If I was Anthony Horrowitz, my dog would have it's name changed after I've written a book. AKA: I don't own Alex Rider. (has anyone noticed that Anthony's dog has a name change after every book. Once it was Loony, then it was Lucky, then it was Bucky, and so on….)

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"Hee hee, look, a canary!" Alex squeaked, pointing a finger at the yellow bird in the cage. Tom glared at his friend, then turned to his other friends. "Who the Fuck gave Alex red bull?" He commanded. K-unit looked guiltily at each other, remaining silent. "Whoever did, I swear to God you will not wake up tomorrow." Tom fumed. "Woof, woof, I'm a canary!" Alex yelled excitedly, waving his arms in great big swimming motions. Tom slammed his head repeatedly on the wall. "Someone strangle _it_ before _it_ drives me insane!" Tom cried, half-sobbing. Fox glanced in Snake's direction, giving him a: 'Did you do it?' expression. Snake shook his head, returning the expression. Snake looked at Bear, "What shall we do?" He whispered. Bear looked at Wolf. Wolf smirked, wolfishly. He gestured with his hand for them all to come round in a circle. He started whispering. Fox grinned Foxily, Bear gleamed bearishly, Snake smiled… snakeishly and Wolf smirked, wolfishly. Eagle just laughed like a maniac and drooled.

Tom was glaring at the empty can of red bull on the floor. "Damn you Red bull." He spat, ignoring Alex's impression of a canary. "Guy's, why isn't Alex dead on the floor yet? I told you to- guys? Guys?" Tom looked up. K-unit were gone. "What the? Alex, where are K-unit?"

Alex stopped being a canary and looked at Tom. "Catfish potato banana ninja." Alex said. "What?" Tom said, confused. "Catfish potato-"

"For God's sake! Where are they?" Tom roared, frustrated. "Catfish potato ninja banana world?" Alex said weakly. Tom glared. Alex ignored the murderous look on Tom's face and started singing.

"Profiteroles!

Are all you need!

Profiteroles!

So chocolaty!"

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A/N: That's right guys. The hunt for K-unit is now on! Who gave Alex Red bull? Where are K-unit? Will anyone else join the party? Will Tom find the mysterious Catfish potato banana ninja? Or will Alex find more Red bull? Leave a review and give your answer. (yes, the future of this story is up to you. All you have to do is REVIEW!) Thanks guys.

**Awesomehatyougotthere x**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Hey guys! Here's the next chapter, you deserve it. Thank you very muchly to Hollyblue2, I I I Jemm I I I, and of course, the fantastic: IGotObsessiveCullenDisorder! (That review made me smile when I saw who it was from) And, guys, if you haven't read my other fic: Things Not to do in Front of: Yassen, then maybe you need to read the story about him and Jeeves first. It adds to comical value. Anyway, on with the chapter! Enjoy!**

Tom dragged Alex to a nearby tube station.

"Chin chin chin chin chin chin chin, chin-chilla!" Alex sang. Members of the public gave him odd looks. "Alex, stop drawing attention to yourself…" Tom moaned, jabbing a bony elbow into Alex's stomach. Alex doubled over and laughed like a maniac. A small child went over to their mother, crying, scared of the 'stwange man in the cawna'. A robotic voice crackled over the intercom. "You have now reached: South Kensington." Tom rolled his eyes and stood up. "Come on freak, we've got a team of SAS troops to find. And kill." Tom growled, he was in a bad mood. Alex was singing about chinchillas (which he has a terrible phobia of). As Tom neared the door, A loud sound from the other side of the carriage blared: "RING, RING, RING, RING, BANANA PHONE!" A man in a black coat with icy blue eyes, winced. His face went a pale shade of pink as everyone stared at him. The man gritted his teeth. He grabbed the man next to him and hurried off the train. Tom followed, off the train, dragging his dead-weight drag-along friend behind him. "Chin chin-" Tom hit Alex. "Shut the Hell up, Alex!" Tom screeched, his phobia kicking in. There was good reason for his fear. When Tom was five, he had been locked inside a pet shop for a whole night. It was dark and he couldn't see, he had been feeling around for a door, but accidentally opened the Chinchilla cage. Chinchillas had jumped all over him and scared the s**t out of him, their red eyes glowing, claws, fifty foot long and extremely sharp. Fangs, drenched in blood, hung from their saliva-dripping mouths. If you pictured Chinchillas as those cute balls of fur…well… they turn into demons on a full moon. He'd ran down the saw dust isle with chinchillas clinging to him, one chewing on his ear. He now had a piece of his ear missing and a pure hatred of Chinchillas.

He pulled Alex out of the station, into the busy hustle and bustle of London. He knew he looked like he was just running around London looking for some members of the SAS, but no, he was going to find a friend of Alex's. Some say he ate King Kong and saved New York. Some say, when the Titanic sunk, he didn't drown because his fat kept him floating. All we know is: He's called: Inspector gadget.

**A/N: So basically, Tom is stuck with a hyper Alex in the middle of London. K-unit have done a runner, and We're off to find 'Inspector gadget' . Who is 'Inspector gadget'? Will Chinchillas return to haunt Tom? Will K-unit ever grow up? Will Yassen kill Jeeves? What is the Catfish potato banana ninja up to? Will Alex get off of his hyper phase? Find out in the next chapter! Thanks for reading this fic. (I thing I have a problem with writing chapter twos) Please Review! Hope you all enjoyed. Chapter 3 will come soon!**

**Awesomehatyougotthere**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: A lovely reviewer called: Fuzzy Hat Of DOOM, asked for longer chapters, and because of that, the wish gets granted. I'm like a genie! Thanks to all who reviewed (Shush x, Marisje ) Anyway, the story goes on. Thanks to all who reviewed, it's much appreciated! Enjoy!**

**Oh, by the way, I have no idea where the natural history museum is compared to the royal and general. So, it might be in the wrong place. If it is, forget about it, just imagine everything is right.**

Yassen pushed Jeeves into a dark corner of the London tube station. He slammed him into a wall. Jeeves was happily laughing away at the practical joke he had just played on Yassen. Until Yassen hit him in the stomach. "That was very immature of you, Jeeves." He said. Jeeves looked up, eyes sparkling with mischief. "You have to admit though, it was a pretty good-" Yassen punched him again. "Shut up Jeeves, one more prank and I'll… I'll… Leave you in a room filled with Chinchillas!" Yassen said, unsurely. "Ooh, I love Chinchillas!" Jeeves cheered, clapping his hands like an over-excited five year-old. "Not on a full moon you won't…" Muttered Yassen. "Anyway, we have business to attend to," Yassen walked Jeeves out into the London street, "I trust you wont waste any more of my time." Yassen said, flatly. Jeeves giggled. "Sure thing Yassy." He smirked. Jeeves momentarily saw Yassen's fists clench. He laughed again then followed his mentor, towards the natural history museum.

Alex & Tom:

"Ba ba ba, ba ba CHIUAUA!" Alex sang. Tom groaned. He had been with Alex for three hours now, not just ordinary Alex, no. This was three hours with Alex on Red Bull. "Three hours with that thing, is that even legal?" Tom muttered grumpily to himself. The two passed a Pakistani bloke, desperately trying to sell copies of 'Big Issue' magazine. Men and women dressed smartly in business wear walked briskly. Briefcases gripped so tightly by their holders, that anyone would have thought the owner and the case were glued together for life. The perfect love pair in the world of boring business. Alex wouldn't have been surprised if Blunt was in love with a brief case. Probably a grey one. But, then again, Blunt was so boring, he probably couldn't get even a mere briefcase to have feelings for him. Tom watched, unamused as Alex ran forward, trying to catch one of the many pigeons that lived in the heart of London. "Come here little fishy…" Alex called, stretching out his arms and chasing the pigeon. Tom groaned. "Why? Why did you have to leave me with him K-unit? Why? What did I do to you?" "Tom, look! I caught a fishie!"

Tom looked. Alex was standing proudly, a pigeon nested on his head. Tom's shoulders dropped. A look of exasperation on his face. "K-unit, when I find you, and I bloody well will… When I find you, you, are doing the washing up tonight! Yeah, take that b****es! " Tom muttered into the sky.

Tom forged a plan in his mind. Instead of putting up with a hyper moron all day, Tom, instead, was going to leave him at the natural history museum. He could see the museum from here. He smirked. What could possibly go wrong?

In the NHM (natural history museum), Tom dragged Alex through the dense crowd, and next to a plaque by the Diplodocus skeleton by the main entrance.

Yassen & Jeeves:

"Woah, this place is busy!" Jeeves exclaimed. "Even if I set off your ring tone, you wouldn't be able to hear-"

"You are not going to set off the ring tone you set on my phone. Understood?" Yassen interrupted. Jeeves made a sad face, which Yassen ignored. Yassen went over his Assassination plan, making his way up the grand steps. He looked out over the crowd. He was searching for his target. When he'd found it, he was going to wait until the man had gone into a quiet part of the museum, then Assassinate him there. His expert eyes scanned the crowd, until they trained on his target. A fat, bearded Mexican man who dealt drugs. "Gotcha," Yassen muttered, feeling the pocket in which his pistol rested (not a water pistol, he finally got his real gun back). Jeeves tapped Yassen on the shoulder. "Umm… Yassen." He said, quietly. Yassen sighed, "What?"

"Does your gun work?" Jeeves asked. At this, Yassen smirked and turned to his apprentice. "Let me test it. Just to make sure…"

Alex, Tom, Yassen & Jeeves:

Suddenly, the lights went out. People screamed. A voice echoed around the hall, silencing people instantly. "Surprise catfish, surprise catfish!" A voice sang. For once, the voice belonged to neither Alex or Jeeves. The pigeon on Alex's head jumped a little, but remained nested. In the darkness, Yassen could feel a certain sense of dread. Tom realised his day had just gotten worse. Everyone knew. The Catfish Potato Ninja Banana was back, and this time, he was back protected by an army of thousands and thousands of dreaded: Chinchillas.

**A/N: Well, you did ask for a longer chapter ****J****. It probably wasn't as funny as it was meant to be, but hey, I hope you enjoyed it anyway! I'm running out of random songs for Alex, Jeeves and the CPNB. If you have any suggestions, I'd be happy to hear them! As always, please review.**

**Awesomehatyougotthere **


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Hey guys, I'm so happy to hear that you're enjoying this fic so far, even if it is utter nonsense. Thanks to all reviewers, it really makes me happy when you review. By the way, I'm happy writing longer chapters, it's no trouble at all. Anyway, on with the chapter! Enjoy! **

Chinchillas flooded through the door, jumping on tourists and devouring them. On a full moon, one Chinchilla could demolish a fully grown person on it's own, but as you might have already guessed, it's still daytime and a full moon isn't due until three days time. So, people are suffering a terrible death at the mercy of a Catfish Potato Ninja Banana and thousands of Chinchillas. Imagine the pain… Anyway, Tom froze in horror, eyes wide, teeth tight, bladder letting free all fluid. Yassen's grip on his gun tightened. Jeeves, who had been running away from Yassen, ground to a halt. This was a situation of life and death. Alex sat giggling, the pigeon he'd decided to call Dave mounted on his head. "Look Dave," Alex said, "fluffy footballs!" The pigeon cooed at Alex's comment. Yassen looked around him, fear wrenching through his mask of no emotion. He spotted Jeeves. "Jeeves!" He yelled, throwing a pistol at the student. Jeeves caught it. Yassen indicated for him to turn around. Jeeves spun round and screamed. He was faced by a wall of chinchillas. Yassen gasped as a wave of the savage creatures leapt onto Jeeves. "NOOOOO! JEEEVES!" He yelled, diving into the sea of Chinchillas. He tore the wretched beasts off of his apprentice, throwing them into the walls and listening to the blood and (tiny) brains splatter against the stone. One grabbed onto his leg, gnawing at the flesh. It's teeth slicing through the skin. Yassen gasped as the pain shot up his leg. The chinchilla chewed into Yassen's muscle making light work of the flesh around it. Yassen punched a chinchilla into a glass case, containing an ape's skull. He threw one over the balcony, one over the banister, when suddenly, he heard a shallow gnawing sound. He looked down at his leg. Well, where his leg had been. A chinchillas was nipping at the bone. Yassen screamed, kicking the chinchillas off of his foot, up into the ceiling, where it then came crashing down on the head of Charles Darwin. Yassen threw the last Chinchilla off of Jeeves and pulled him up. "Jeeves… my leg…" Yassen stammered. Jeeves looked down at the bare bone of Yassen's leg. "Man up Yassy, it's just a scratch!" Jeeves said, receiving a punch from his mentor. "All right! If it's that bad, I'll put something on it, give me a sec…" Jeeves shoved his hand in his pocket. He pulled out a knife. "Nope…" He muttered to himself. He pulled out a piece of that three month old Chewee bar. "Ooh!" He put it in his mouth and chewed. "Yum! Pineapple and sprouts!" He exclaimed. "Jeeves…" Yassen winced. "OK, OK…" Jeeves' hand dived back into his pocket. He picked out a tooth pick, some fluff, a vial of Chinchilla poison, his phone, a hat, the statue of Liberty, a newspaper, then, eventually… "Ah ha!" He said, joyfully, pulling out a thick silver roll of duct tape. He seized Yassen's leg, "OWWWW!" Yassen screeched. "Jeez, you're such a girl!" Jeeves said, tearing a long strip of duct tape off of the roll. He wrapped it around the fleshless bone of Yassen's leg. When he had finished, Yassen stood. "Seriously Jeeves, if we get out of here alive, I'm giving you first aid lessons." He panted, examining Jeeves work on his leg. "I suppose it will hold for now."

Tom was still frozen to the spot when he heard gunshots. Yassen and Jeeves were standing on the balcony with machine guns, shooting the sea of Chinchillas below. "Yeeeaaahhh! Eat my bullets savages!" Jeeves screeched. Many tourists were dead on the floor. Either from Chinchilla attack or from Jeeves' bad aim. Mostly the latter. Alex had dived under a bench, to avoid the shots. Yassen noticed the boy scramble. "Alex?" He muttered. After shooting the last of the Chinchillas, Yassen sprinted (well, limped) down the steps, across the blood-stained floor and over to the bench. "Alex?" A pigeon fluttered out from under the bench, followed by the teen's head. "Yassen!" Alex said with half-hearted enthusiasm. Yassen pulled him out from under the bench. Dave jumped back onto Alex's head and fell asleep, nested in the mop of blonde. "Yassen…you're leg…" Alex said, grimacing. Alex's hyper mode seemed to have switched off, leaving him on a low. Jeeves ran down the steps toward the two. "Yassy's leg? Oh, it got eaten by Chinchillas. No biggie." Jeeves said, waving the matter off with a wave of his hand. "Hey, Alex you look like you're on a real low. It's not like everyone in the room just got killed. Here, I have something for lows." Jeeves reached into his pocket once more. He took out a box of matches, "Nope…" A dead fish. "Give me a sec…" Lady Ga Ga… a postcard from Albania… a horse… "Ah ha!" He produced a can of Monster from his pocket. He clicked the top of it. At the scent of the liquid inside the can, Tom, who had been frozen in terror, looked around. At the site of Alex with a can of monster in his hand, he screamed. "NOOO! ALEX, DON'T!" He dived forward, hitting the floor a few feet short. Alex looked down briefly at his friend. "Tom, It's not like I'm going to go hyper. I mean come on, when have I ever been hyper?" Alex threw his head back and drank the whole can in one swig. "NO!" Tom cried, howling. "NOOO! MY CHINCHILLAS!" A hurt voice cried. Yassen, Tom, Jeeves and Alex spun around. The Catfish Potato Ninja Banana was crying in mid-air. He looked down at the four people, his face twisted in Anger. "You wait!" He growled. "I will punish you with the one thing worse than Chinchillas! Just you wait…" He spat, then twisted into the air and disappeared. Yassen looked at Tom. "The only thing worse than Chinchillas? What's he on about? You can't get any worse than Chinchillas."

It was true, you can't get any worse then the dreaded Chinchilla. Or could you…

A/N: So, everyone in the NHM has just been killed. Tom, Yassen, Alex, Dave and Jeeves have joined forces. The catfish Potato Ninja Banana is pissed. And Yassen had a grazed knee. What will happen next? Will they ever find the yellow brick road, leading to Inspector Gadget? What will happen now that Alex is on Monster? Will the one thing worse than Chinchillas show up? Will any of this ever make sense? Find out in the next chapter! Thanks again to all who reviewed (look in IGotObsessiveCullenDisorder's direction)

As always, Please review.

Awesomehatyougotthere


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